Day trip to Santa Barbara

The Pyramid at the cemetery

Every year on April 5, or the Friday or Monday closest to April 5, I go to Santa Barbara for the day. It’s a pleasant 90 mile drive from my house and is under a 2 hour drive, assuming the freeways are not a complete disaster (I know, that can be hard to assume on any given day, a lot of it is knowing what time to go to avoid traffic). What is special about this day? It’s my mom’s birthday. She would have been 72 this year. When my great grandmother died, my grandparents buried her in what I think is the most beautiful cemetery ever, the Santa Barbara Cemetery Association. They also bought enough plots for themselves and my mom. Interestingly enough, they only got four plots despite the fact my mom was married to my dad already. It’s worked out since my grandparents were both cremated they share a plot, and there is still one available for my dad.

It was such a huge blessing that they did this. When my mom died unexpectedly in a car accident in 2000 (see the post I Miss My Mom for the story) it was one less thing I needed to worry about. It was fitting that she be buried in Santa Barbara where she grew up, a place she loved, even if part of me would have liked to have her closer to me. After my mom died I started going to visit on her birthday. I try to go at various other times, but I never miss a birthday. It was less depressing than going on the anniversary of her death. It’s become quite a tradition. I stop at the grocery store nearby that has a flower department to get some flowers. I have found a yummy Mexican place to get lunch to bring with me (but not when it’s a Monday, they are closed and I have to find some other place). I then head over to the cemetery and have a picnic lunch and sit and enjoy the beautiful view. The cemetery is on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean to the south. There are mountains to the north. All in all it is really pretty and relaxing. After I eat lunch I usually stroll around the cemetery. It’s been there a while and it’s interesting to look at all the old grave markers. Over the years the basic traditions have remained but I try to find something new to do every time I’m there.

Two years ago I was about 6 months pregnant, same as this year. Last year was the first time bringing Eddie to meet his grandmother. It was a bit of an adventure bringing an eight month old with me. He was still eating mushy solid food and still needed a bottle feeding several times a day. It was a lot more work packing for that trip than any one before it.

So much room to run, Mama!

Packing food for the trip is a lot easier now that Eddie is eating normal food. I brought some fruit for snacking and lots of cookies - we were celebrating his grandma’s birthday after all. I also put a container of milk and one of juice for the day. I made sure and ran Eddie around before leaving so he would get a good nap in the car. He slept all the way there. We got there just in time for lunch. The Vons I stop at had a special on daffodils, so I got a whole bunch of them to take with me. We then picked up our burrito at my favorite place. It’s big enough that Eddie and I can share one. We got to the cemetery and the weather could not have been better. I had been following the weather reports that said it was expected to be quite windy starting Friday, so I was afraid it was going to be gusty. Fortunately it was quite still and sunny, about 75 out. Gorgeous Santa Barbara weather. One of the interesting things when you go on the same day every year is how different the weather can be. The start of spring in Southern California can bring a lot of different conditions. I can’t remember it ever raining, but there have been some cold, overcast days and one year the wind was gusting 30-35 MPH. Those aren’t the ideal days. This year was an ideal day. I put out the blanket and got lunch ready. Eddie was more interested in running around than eating, which was ok since I knew he would snack all day. My mom is in the middle of a large meadow area with no above ground gravestones, so there is nowhere for him to hide. 

After we were done eating, I put Eddie in the stroller to take a walk around. When he saw the boats out on the water, he got excited. He kept pointing and saying "Bo! Bo!". Often I walk around with no destination in mind, but today I did. I had noticed when I drove in there was a service today. For some reason I always like to go watch - from a distance of course. It’s a little painful because I remember what it was like being in the cemetery right after my mom died with all that fresh pain. But it’s also comforting because it does get easier as time goes by and you learn how to deal with the pain. So I walked over in that direction and found a place for Eddie and I to sit that was not intruding on the service. It was a small one. There was one year I was there and there was a huge service. There was even a mariachi band.

We walked back to the car and loaded up. The next stop was the house my mom grew up in. In all the years I’ve been driving up there I’ve never thought of driving by. My grandparents lived there until the mid to late 1970s. They moved from Santa Barbara, with its beautiful weather and only a few hours drive from where I grew up, to Phoenix, Arizona, with its miserably hot summers and either long drive or plane ride. But I’m not bitter, really. It’s a cute little house at the end of a cul-de-sac. Nothing super special. I wonder how my life would have been different if this was the house I associated my grandparents with instead of their house in Arizona.

I had decided to take the back roads home since I wasn’t going straight home. Plus by the afternoon the freeways are terrible. I had to go to Moorpark to work a checkpoint for a car rally. It was the first Friday of the month, and every month we put on a two hour car rally called the First Friday Niter. I know, clever name. So I followed CA-192 (CA for California Highway) out of Santa Barbara (much of it is also called Foothill Road, because it’s at the foothills of the mountains north of Santa Barbara). I then turned onto CA-150, which goes around Lake Casitas and through Ojai, ending at CA-126 in Santa Paula. At this point, I am in an area I know pretty well thanks to car rallying. I jogged over to South Mountain Road and then right on Balcom Canyon Road. The checkpoint was on Stockton Road and Balcom Canyon Road, so I wasn’t far. However, I needed to eat, so I headed down to CA-118 to go into Moorpark to find dinner.

Eddie is serious
when it comes
to his fries

There are lots of places to eat along there, I think there is one of every major fast food chain. I knew there was an In ‘N Out there, so that was my first choice unless something else caught my eye. If you aren’t familiar with In ‘N Out, it’s a California legend. Fresh made burgers and you can actually watch them take potatoes and make them into french fries right in front of you. Eddie loves fries, and even more he loves ketchup to dip them in. Or even eat the ketchup without the fries, either way. He will sneak fries from in front of you if you don't give him enough. The only problem I have with In 'N Out doesn't have Joanna's Bathroom Parent Seal of Approval. Although they always have a large stall bathroom that fits an overactive todder and stroller if need be, they never seem to have a baby changing table in there. But I guess I shouldn't complain too much, at least there is enough room to easily do it on the floor and the bathrooms were neat and clean. It was a really fun day. Eddie and I both had a good time.

Happy Birthday, Mom.